i think i have herpe
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper