I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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