living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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