Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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