Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
