ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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