all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
