oh god the rape fog is back!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
