I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
