I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
