You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
