Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
True but thats because hes a fetus.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
