Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
