i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize