mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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