Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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