he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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