She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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