so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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