I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
