Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
