that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
