i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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