We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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