we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
