We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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