My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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