i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
