OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
