By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
