Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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