bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
