my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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