Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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