Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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