I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
