he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
