Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
