You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize