who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
