Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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