One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
