The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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