Jerry, you need to find god
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
