WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
false alarm, still single
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