that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
