it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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