i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
