Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
