Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
