She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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