why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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