I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
