i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
