he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
