White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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