The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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