In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
