I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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