Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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