You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
