I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
