This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
