It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
