One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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